Hazards of Keeping Chickens

Before work this morning, I ran down to the allotment. Although I tend to grumble about having to be up much earlier on days I go into the office, I do enjoy blowing away the cobwebs and getting a blast of fresh air to start the day. When I got down to the plot, I threw in some weeds for Maude and Mavis before heading down to the Main Coop. All three of the big girls were waiting impatiently for me to arrive and to mollify them, I gave them their sunflower seeds. Flora in particular hogged them down like she’d never seen food before!

But all this is normal for chicken keepers. Pausing only to fill up an old milk bottle (which I use to refill the water in the New Coop), I headed across to feed Gertie. Carefully avoiding the nettles, I opened the coop door making sure Connie didn’t make her usual bid for freedom. Connie making a daring escape is a daily hazard and one to which I am increasingly proficient at stopping. But this isn’t the main hazard of keeping chickens.

No, the main hazard, which I had forgotten, lulled into a false sense of security by the bantams, is the stealth poo. Granted, it probably isn’t the best idea to wear flipflops and shorts to the allotment when it’s raining. However, I really do resent being pooed on when I am busy feeding Gertie. Gertie has a habit of constantly adjusting her feet while being fed. This requires a level of concentration to make sure she doesn’t fall off whilst attempting to hold the food bowl steady.

It was at this precise moment, one of the other chickens walked across my foot. I didn’t think anything of it, they often walk around my feet, hoovering up tasty morsels discarded by Gertie. A couple of minutes later, I happened to look down at my feet to check on the small feathery army to discover someone had pooed all over my foot. I may have let out an indignant shriek, scaring all the girls including Gertie who leapt into the air and almost landed into the water bowl. The offender had been so stealthy that I couldn’t work out who it was. As I walked across to the tap to thoroughly wash my foot and flipflop, I had to begrudgingly admit the brilliance of the timing of the poo and the ninja stealth skills of the unknown culprit…